Authenticity. Did you just roll your eyes? Yet another post about authenticity and how one must be authentic to live your best life. It seems like the authentic word is everywhere and if one is not authentic, well you better change. And fast. This can sometimes lead a real shaming connotation over the tone. This may be especially true with those with mental health diagnosis, dissociation or trauma history’s. So what happens if you show up differently sometimes, if your “true self” may look different depending on the circumstances. What happens if you have very strong parts that show up how they want, when when and really do not seem to be leaving anytime soon? Does this mean you will never live this full beautiful life people insinuate will happen when one is authentic?
Authentic is defined is “of undisputed origin; genuine.” Authenticity is about our deep rooted beliefs and values coming from your true self and matching you behaviors.
While this seems easy enough, for those with trauma history’s and other mental health diagnosis, revealing your true self can be the most terrifying thing in the world. You learned that people cannot be trusted nor can you trust yourself. Bad things may happen to you; people may leave you as they learn who you really are. As you learned to live life with what happened to you or what was happening around you, you learned to adapt into different versions of yourself to stay connected to the people around you. It makes sense that when you are around people, these parts are going to be present to ensure that you stay connected and are liked by others. For this is how you survive.
Let’s shift and take a moment to think about your root values, those fundamental things about you that will never change. You may be caring, loyal, honest, transparent, humorous, organized or strong. Feel these values as they show up in your body and just notice how it feels to have these values. These values are always with you, regardless of how you show up. You are authentic to yourself.
How you choose to show up to take care of yourself can be the most authentic of all. For being authentic does not mean that you have to be an open book, telling everyone everything and not feeling a damn thing while doing it. Basically, utterly free of all shame or discomfort. I can imagine that sounds terrifying. Being authentic may be drawing a line between what you are comfortable sharing and what you aren’t, and then living within those boundaries. You get to decide and do something about it when you feel those feelings, that may be your sign to say something like “ouch”, do something different, or excuse yourself from that person.
Sometimes, your actions may not match those root values you have. And that’s ok. Those actions that others are seeing, are your way of protecting your authentic self. Of saying, that person just saw me in my truest self, and they may not like me. Let’s take control of the situation so we chose how we are treated versus them deciding. Though when we think of it that way, if you show up the exact same way when someone triggers you, that could be thought of as authentic. You are still all those fundamental values you hold so dear to you and this part is protecting the hell out of that.
There is not any mindfulness exercises or “ways to be authentic” that this blog is going to share with you today. Today, let’s just bring an awareness to the different ways you show up in your life.
How many different ways do you show up? 2, 5, 10?
Identifying how you show up really is a huge first step in getting to know yourself and leaning into this authenticity stuff. This awareness that yes, you may show up differently today. So if it feels ok, take breath, a pause, and let the ways you show up know that you appreciate them and that you are thankful they are there. That it’s not just about being authentic. For you already are. It’s about showing up as yourself, right now, in this moment. Knowing that you will be triggered by someone else (or even yourself), and knowing that you still have those fundamental values that make you, you. I am going to say a lot of people find it easier to pin down their authentic self versus the way they show up in life. We have all been conditioned and taught how we should be and what is expected of us by society.
You can live authentically even if you don’t feel like one version of yourself is right or truest. Authenticity is not a destination, it’s a journey. It’s an ongoing process of growing and learning about yourself. As you continue on this journey, you’ll find that there are many different versions of yourself: The version of yourself that shows up when others are watching (the one who has it all together) vs the version that shows up when no one is watching (the one who binge watches Netflix and forgot to shower).
For you, being authentic is the idea of being true to yourself, of being real, raw and human. Emotions, even big emotions, are true and valid here. For that is the goal of the human experience. To love the fuck out of ourselves regardless of how we show up.