Let’s face it, the holidays are usually a stressful time. Between family, cold weather, and jam packed schedules — it’s enough to make you want to take cover, hide under the blankets and see ya in the Spring. While some of us have had great childhoods and are more than ready to enjoy holiday food with relatives — for others, the holidays often bring about feelings of sadness and anxiety. Although it may seem difficult to navigate these feelings, here are a few ways you can take care of yourself before the holidays start so you’re more prepared for whatever life has in store.
I’m going to call this Preparation Week (insert a dramatic introduction and even more dramatic music). The week before the big events when we may begin to experience emotions, thoughts or body sensations when we think about the event. Completely normal experience when we think about it from an umbrella term right? Excitement for the upcoming event that you purchased tickets for 6 months ago, nervousness for a presentation at work, dread about an upcoming deadline for a topic you really don’t want to do. Our bodies are analyzing information we are experiencing all day, comparing it to others or our past events and storing it for future safety. All subconscious, without our awareness. Until our prefrontal cortex or critical parts sneak in and judge us for the emotions.
It gets even more complicated when we put the label “family” or “Holiday” in front of things. Then we may really get all discombobulated. Family dinner. Christmas party. Family gettogether… Anyone else flooded with emotions at the very words? Excitement, dread, chaos, nervousness, irritability, overwhelm, joy, sadness..shall I go on? More than likely, when we experience those emotions, we welcome in the criticism of ourselves. “I’m to…” “I’m just…” “If I would just…”Any negative denotation of self that we chaulk up as a win and force ourselves into the familiar yuck. Because well. “It’s Christmas.”
Because of the way your mind works, you may want to know the why behind the why’s. Understanding the “why I may be feeling this way” helps you offer compassion to yourself and others. In the upcoming weeks and blogs, we will dive deeper into the “whys” of our emotions surrounding family trauma, finances, grief, sobriety and boundaries. Because well, if these things aren’t’ stressful enough, let’s sprinkle in the expectations of our family and the generations of our past.
This week, we will have two goals.
- Identify 1 support person who is on your island.
- This person will be the person you can text things like
- “no”
- “I feel uncomfortable”
- “I’m not sure what I need”
- Have a conversation with this person over the next week. Let them know anything that you want them to know about how you are feeling.
- Ask them if it’s ok if you text them or ask for random support
- Try to create separation. Notice any negative and positive thoughts you have of yourself and see if we can create some distance.
- Here are 3 different ways we can separate our feelings from “I’m (emotion) to “I’m feeling (emotion)
- When an emotion/feeling/symptom arises, acknowledge it
- I feel (name the feeling/emotion/symptom)
- Ex. I feel angry
- Ask it for permission to make some space
- I hear how (emotion) you are, is it ok if you make some space as we explore this further?
- You may even physically put the emotion next to you.
- If it doesn’t want to separate, can it tell you what it needs you to know about the emotion?
As we are becoming aware of the thoughts, feelings or body sensations, they may get louder. They are finally getting some attention, it makes sense they are going to get loud! It’s this time we will ask them to not overwhelm you. We cannot hear people that are screaming at us. It’s ok. Text your support person, tell your children. Scream from the windows if needed. Then let’s lean in to releasing the overwhelm in four steps. We will define overwhelm as any thought, feeling or sensation that we feel takes over and we become afraid of.
Five steps to releasing overwhelming thoughts or emotions.
- Name it to tame it
- Name the emotion may quiet the emotion.
- Acknowledge it in a way that feels best to you
- Ground with Five emotions
- If it feels ok, do any of the following:
- Take a breath
- Touch something around you. Table, couch, computer, notebook
- Take a drink
- Run your hands in water
- Smell something around you
- Pause. Even just for a moment.
- Thought stopping.
- Seriously say it. Stop. No. I’m choosing to stop this thought. Or notice it; a stop sign, red light, dead end. Any image that reminds you to stop.
- Separate
- Here we can insert a reformation, I know I am (positive) this situation is hard and activating a part of me that is FEELING…
- Ask this worry for space, as you hear it has big things to say and right now, you may not have the space to give it the attention it needs.
It’s ok if this feels overwhelming. Trust me. As a mental health therapist I can tell you it’s overwhelming. As a human with a trauma history and mental health diagnosis, I have experienced the overwhelm first hand. Sometimes, the emotions take us over. Sometimes, we can have all the support and skills and our emotions will still take us over. And that’s completely ok. It’s part of the human experience. Sometimes, all we can do is have the feeling and hang on for the ride until our body is able to regulate itself. It always does. Once it does, are you able to identify the emotion you just felt? Naming the emotion may help you identify it in the future. It’s really ok. You can get through this. If no one else gets it. We do.